英语小品剧本-英语搞笑剧本-唐伯虎点秋香

2018-09-20 14:53:30 关注度


Flirting Scholar
(唐伯虎点秋香)
Cast
唐伯虎··········
祝枝山··········
文征明··········
周文斌··········
秋 香··········
石 榴··········
夏 香··········
春 香··········
冬 香··········
如 花··········
惨 人··········
华夫人··········
夺命书生··········
仆人甲··········
仆人水··········
假死人··········
华 文··········
一女子··········
围观者(数名)··········
丑婢女(数名)··········
假新娘(数名)··········
仆人(数名)··········
结束舞(全体)··········

Act 1
地点:The backyard of Tang’s house
人物:唐伯虎,祝枝山,仆人甲,仆人水
道具:文房四宝,鸡翅,2穿翅杈, 3桌子,1凳子,背景音乐
旁白:唐伯虎,于明宪宗成化六年庚寅年寅月寅日寅时出世,故名唐寅,又因属虎,故又名唐伯虎。唐寅聪明绝顶,诗画双杰,位居江南四大才子之首,为当时男女老少所崇拜的偶像。

(唐伯虎手执毛笔,用酱油刷鸡翅膀)
仆人甲: Master, isn't one dish of soy enough?
唐伯虎: Slowly, please.
仆人甲: Many people come for your paintings, why don't you bother?
唐: I have no mood to draw. Give them two more baskets of rubbish, that's it.
仆人甲:Yes.
(出门时在门中碰见祝枝山)
Mr. Zhu.
祝枝山:Ah, Brother Tong.
唐伯虎:Hey, Brother Zhu.
祝:Help, Brother Tong.
唐:l think you must have lost all you money again.
祝:You understand me so well.
唐:Among the 'Four Scholars', everyone knows you love gambling.
Having no money, to live comfortably', it is your motto, right?
祝:You are flattering me! You're born to be a free-liver. In fact, you are much more luckier than me.
唐: But... you lose so much money per every two days, and you come to seek help from me after losing money, l don't think l can help you forever.
祝: Sure! Because of that, l tried to risk for the last time.
But l lost the money which l could earn till my death.
That's 300,000 taels.
So, l have to beg you to draw 30 paintings...in order to save my life.
唐: l see, I see.
Shui, go out first.
仆人水: Yes, master.
唐: Damn you, don't you think l owe you that? You need 30 paintings?
No way!
祝: Please! lt's my fault,l am now begging you to forgive me.
Also, l always help you to sell your paintings which make you get rich!
Some loan-sharks are waiting for me outside,
They want me to get 30 paintings of yours within one hour.
Otherwise, they'll kill me!
Will you help me or not?
唐: One hour? Well, since you are my brother,
l will write your lament for your funeral.
Say, 'A bastard' or 'A scumbag', which one do you like?
Choose between these two.
祝: Pak Fu, don't be that mean to me.
l swear if l gamble again, let me marry with the worst woman, ls it OK?
唐: You made such worst oath!
OK, l will save you for the last time.
Man, give me the stationery.
祝: You are such a heroic friend, so righteous!
(唐伯虎作画)
祝: Wow! It is pretty good!


Act 2
地点:A river side, on the street
人物:江南四大才子,如花,一女子,围观者,四香,石榴,华夫人,丑婢女
道具:4扇子,丝巾,伞,小刀,2凳子,背景音乐
旁白:第二幕,江南四大才子结伴出游,众女子兴奋观看。

一女子:Look, the 'Four Scholars' are over there.
(四大才子摆pose,众女子倾倒)

一女子:Go and have a look,

祝枝山:We come here for a tour.
That’s why the girls are that crazy.

文征明:Pals, why not has a poem competition?

祝:Very good idea!
Why don't you start first? Brother Wen bin.

周文斌:l am the best in this field.
'There are many geese under the mountain.'

文征明:'They rushed down to the river.'

祝:'Let's roast a goose.'

唐:'After roasting, you'd better go home for a screw.'

三人:Good, very good. Very good!
(三人笑,唐伯虎逛笑)

祝:There is something attractive.
See, there is a beauty on the bridge. She seems to be lonely.
Why not show us your talent about how to court a girl.
To let us learn from you!

唐:Well...

周文斌:lt's the welfare for your friends, so?

唐:l am glad to demonstrate it.
三人:Go.

唐:Miss.

如花:What's the matter? (一回头,竟是如花!)

三人:Go, go...

唐:May l put my head on your shoulder?

如花:ls it OK? No, l am a girl, a decent girl.

唐:l know, l want to make my friends happy, that's all.
ln fact, l am Tong Pak-Fu.

如花:So what?l don't know you.
l will shout for help if you don't leave me alone.

唐:How about paying you 1 tael?

如花:1 tael? Who do you think l a.m.?
Make it ten.

唐:That's too expensive, why don't you rob?

如花:Right, l am robber.
Give me all your money.
(两人乱打,最后如花被唐伯虎打落河中)

三人:What's wrong? (赶到桥上)What’s the matter?

文征明:No need to punch her like that?

唐:Robber! lt's a ladyboy!

三人:Ladyboy?

祝:l love it. Hold it. (祝枝山将折扇递给文斌,跳入河中)

文征明:Damn it. He is being the first to!

(华夫人带众人去拜神)
春香:Look, so many people!

夏香:Yes, it's crowded.

华夫人:Chun-xiang, Xia-xiang, shut up,

四大才子:Heave yourselves.
What's going on?

某人:Madam Hua and her 4 pretty maids have come for worshipping.

周文斌:The maids are all pretty, especially Qiu-xiang.

唐:Who is she? Who is Qiu-xiang?

文斌,征明:Look! That way.

三人:Qiu-xiang.
(秋香回首一笑)

唐:Damn, she is not pretty at all.

周文斌:You know, pretty woman is like flowers.
You'll be all eyes for its beauty if some leaves are around.
Look once more.

三人:Pretty woman!
(一整排回首,旁人皆成丑女衬托)

唐:Woo, she is really pretty!
Let's go in the temple together.
To look for fun!
Act 3
地点:West Gate of Hua’s house
人物:唐伯虎,秋香,石榴,惨人,假死人
道具:“旺财”,1手帕,“小强”,2卖身牌,1棍子,4凳子,银两
旁白:第三幕,华府西门口。唐伯虎为追秋香,化装成贫民意图混进华府。

唐:You can't move no matter what happens! OK?

假死人:Take it easy! Leave It to Me
(假死人躺在车上装死)

唐:Cheap man! A brand new cheap man for sale.
Come and have a look! I’m so poor!
(石榴和秋香出门)

石榴:Are you selling yourself to bury your dad?
But it's not lucky to see a dead body early in the morning.

唐:l don't want, too.
Why don't you be merciful ['mə:siful]仁慈的;慈悲的;宽容的
buy me please.

石榴:What a pity (怜悯同情遗憾)? We need a workman indeed, why not...
(这时又来了一个人,推着木车,车上躺着六个死人,这人还口吐血,极其悲惨)

惨人:l am poor, l want to sell myself to bury my whole family!

唐:Kidding?!

惨人:Be merciful, my family died last night.
l am sick withtuberculosis [tju:,bə:kju'ləusis] 肺结核;结核病too, why not buy me? May be, I’ll cut half price!

秋香:He is miserable ['mizərəbl]悲惨的;痛苦的;卑鄙的; why not buy him to be our workman?

石榴:(哭)So, buy him.

唐:Lady, first come first serve, l come first.

秋香:lt's not a matter of priority [prai'ɔrəti]优先;优先权;优先次序;优先考虑的事.

石榴:Leave It to me. He has to bury his whole family and you have to bury your dad only.
l do want to help you, but it's difficult for me to buy two.

唐:But, l am miserable too.

石榴:Then show me how miserable you are.

唐:Well, l...
See how dirty are my fingernails?
lt's miserable, right?
(惨人的小狗突然死去)

惨人:(痛哭)Wong Cai, don't die! Don't die.
You have followed me for a long time, you're so good to me.
But l have never given yousufficient [sə'fiSənt] 足够的;充分的 food.
l am damn [dæm]可恶的 sorry.

唐:(唐伯虎看见一只蟑螂,喊“小心啊!”,石榴姐一退,将蟑螂踩死了。)
Watch out!
(悲痛欲绝)Xiao qiang, how are you?
Don't die, Xiao qiang, don't die.
We have suffered for such a long time,
l treated you as my relative.
How can you leave me like this…

石榴:Sister Qiu-xiang, they are both miserable, what'll we do?

秋香:Let's wait and see.

惨人:(走到唐伯虎跟前,两人对峙)
Damn! Brother! Wait.
Look at you, you look rich. Why not go home and make a poor look first? Look at me, l am thin, and see the abscess ['æbsis]脓肿;脓疮On my hands!
l am really miserable than you.

唐:Pal, don't challenge ['tʃælindʒ]向…挑战 me. l hate to be challenged.

惨人:So what?

唐:Are you pushing me?

惨人:l am miserable than you, so what?

唐:Damn! Go to hell()去死啦! (唐伯虎拿起一根木棒将自己的胳膊打断)
唐:See, my whole hand is broken.
Who is miserable now?

惨人:Don't go too far!

唐:lt's show-hand, so what?

惨人:l'll play with you.
OK, l will show-hand too.(拿起棍子砸自己的头,血流如注)
Are you playing tricks with me?
l don't want my life either, let's see how you can compete with me.
Who is miserable? (说完,倒地身亡)

唐:Bravo [,brɑ:'vəu,]喝彩,好极了! You are really great. See you next time!
石榴:Hey, he is dead, l can buy you now.

唐:Really?

石榴:Yes.

唐:5taels [teil] 两;银more please.

石榴:How can you raise your price suddenly?

唐:l want to bury him, too.

石榴:What a good heart you have! Let's buy him. (拿出银子)

秋香:Come early tomorrow morning.

唐:Thank you, Miss Qiu-xiang.
(秋香进门时对唐伯虎一笑)
唐:Such a tempting ['temptiŋ]吸引人的;诱惑人的smile!Mom, l have got it.


Act 4
地点:The backyard of Hua’s house
人物:唐伯虎,四香
道具:1诗集, 1扇子, 2凳子,1桌子
旁白:三香在放风筝,唯独秋香在看唐伯虎诗集。

冬香:Higher! Make it higher! lt's funny...

夏香:Look, it’s high, it’s so high.

春香:Qiu xiang, come here, let’s play together!

秋香:You play it!
(手拿诗集,继续看)
(唐伯虎在旁边作偷看状)

唐:Qiuxian
秋香:Hua an, why you are here?

唐:Qiuxiang is as beautiful as flower,so many girls are cling to him.
I (Hua an) want to appreciate Qiuxiang’s appearance.
秋香:Boring! Why are there so many nonsense rubbishes in this world?
l wonder, is Tong Pak-Fu the only ideal man in this world!
Only a romantic man...can write such romantic poem!
'The temple is located inside the peach blossom garden.'
'There is a fairy of peach blossom.'
'The fairy of peach blossom planted the peach blossom trees.'
'She traded the flowers for sweet wine.'

唐:(唐才子模样站到桌上)
'The people thought l was insane.'
'But they don't really understand me.'
'Can't you see the graves of the heroes?'
‘No flowers, no wine, but who cares?'
(秋香与才子模样的唐伯虎含情相望)
唐:l love this poem!

秋香:You recited the poem of Tong Pak-Fu.
ln fact, it's a kind of insult.
You are not qualified to recite his poem。

唐:l couldn't help telling you the truth...
Listen, l am Tong... Bo... Hu!

秋香:Tong Bo-Hu?

唐:So?

秋香:You are really Tangbohu

唐:Qiuxiang, it’s me.
(秋香走过来,含情默默相对,然后相拥一起)

唐:Qiuxiang, tomorrow we'll go to the lake in boat, OK?

秋香:Bohu, no! You are the enemy of madam hua, I afraid that she would know. Then she will kill you.

唐:So long as I can stay with you, I don’t be afraid.

秋香:No! I don’t let you die.

唐:Don’t be afraid. With me! We could sneak out.

秋香:OK!
唐:We meet in my backyard, no see no go.
(从远处传来华夫人的骂人声)

秋香:Bohu! You leave quickly, madam hua is coming.

唐:Qiuxiang, see you tomorrow.




Act 5
地点:The backyard of Hua’s house, The street market
人物:唐伯虎,秋香,华夫人,数名仆人,数名市民,数名小摊贩
道具:1珠钗,1扇子,桌子,兵器(仆人用)

(唐伯虎在后院里徘徊)
唐:Qiuxiang, I know you would come.

秋香:I can't be out so long, madam Hua will know.

唐:Be at ease, I am here.
(唐伯虎与秋香来到了集市)

(秋香拿起一支珠钗)
秋香:Wow, so beautiful!
(然后走开)

秋香:Bohu, come and see. This mask looks so lovely.

(伯虎从身后拿出了刚才的那个珠钗)
唐:Here you are, and put it on
(两人陶醉于幸福中)

仆人:Madam Hua, they are there.

华夫人:Heng! Tangbohu, How dare you! Catch him up.

秋香:Madam Hua! Spare him, I follow you

华夫人:Spare him? He is the son of our enemy.
Do you think we will spare him? Servants, take him away!

秋香:(秋香跪下,伤心地哭)
No! Madam Hua, please! Spare him! Please!!!

华夫人:Take him away. Closed him away, and let him die at midnight!

秋香:(秋香陷入悲痛当中)No no ….Madam Hua….bohu

唐:Qiu xiang, Qiu xiang…


Act 6
地点:Hua’s house
人物:唐伯虎,夺命书生,华夫人,四香,石榴,仆人
道具:剑,枪,1凳子,1桌子,背景音乐

春香:(神情慌张) Madam, bad, bad! A man is dashing!

华夫人:(一拍桌子,站了起来)Who has a big audacity, he dare to dash here unexpectly!

夺命书生:(手拿剑)Madam Hua, long time no see. You saved your life at that time, I will uproot the Hua today!

华夫人:(一笑)What a big tone! Good! As your wish, today is the time of your death!
(两人展开激烈的战争)
(华夫人吐血,四香和石榴一起涌向前)

四香、石榴:Madam, madam! Are you ok? Madam?!
(夺命书生想一剑刺中秋香,唐伯虎突然赶到,挡开了那一剑)

夺:I’m Duo ming shusheng! Who you are?

唐:I’m just a little student who just has study for a few years, Hua an! And my name is tang bo hu!

三香、石榴:(迷惑)Tangbohu ?????

秋香:Bo hu

夺:Good! Let’s meet together!
(两人对立许久,相互一个飞吻,众人偕倒)
唐伯虎:Sorry, we are just feels so right, can’t control ourselves.
(一场激烈的打斗,唐伯虎将夺命书生刺死)

三香、石榴:(跳起,相当兴奋)Hua an, you are so great !
(对望)Tang bohu is so great!

秋香:Hua an, are you alright?

唐:l am fine, how about you?

华夫人:Tong Pak-Fu, l have to thank you for saving our whole family.
How can l reward you?

唐:Madam, you are welcome, l have only one request.

华夫人:l know it, you love Qiu xiang, right?
l will marry her to you.
(秋香既欣喜又害羞)

唐:Bravo!
Act 7
地点:The marriage hall of Hua’s house
人物:唐伯虎,秋香,三香,石榴,如花,华夫人,华文,准新娘
道具:红盖头,1凳子,1桌子,1条款,1柱香,背景音乐,舞蹈音乐

唐:Why are there so many brides 新娘?

华夫人:Tong bohu, although l promise to marry Qiu xiang to you,
but on one condition.
Choose Qiu xiang among 20 brides.
Hua wen

华文:(读条款)You should find her out before the incense is extinguished.
On the following conditions:
1st: Stand behind the yellow line to find out.
2nd: The brides can't produce any noise. Otherwise, she'll be fouled.
3rd: Don't use anything...to touch the brides.
That's all.

华夫人:lf you can't find Qiu xiang in time, then you'll lose.
Then, Qiu xiang will marry my sons, Wah Man and Wah Mo.

唐:Madam, please don't fool me.

华夫人:Mr. Tong, why do you say so?

唐:ln such conditions, how can l choose Qiu xiang?
Be frank, l can swear! l love Qiu xiang whole-heartedly.
Why do you fool me again and agian?

华夫人:Nonsense ['nɔnsəns]胡说;废话荒谬的. 胡说!, choose it!

唐:Oh, my god. (做出挑选新娘的动作)(一准新娘身子动了动)
l know it.(飞身将准新娘抱住)

华文:Time's up.

唐:On time. Qiu xiang(掀开准新娘的面具,竟然是石榴姐!)

石榴:Tang tang!

唐:Why is you?

石榴:Now, everybody knows...you have drawn my picture secretly.
How can l face other people? I'd better die.

唐:That's good idea.

石榴:Of course, you agree with this suggestion.
As you want to die with me, like Romeo and Juliet.
Damn you, l don't fall for you at all.

唐:Shit! (唐伯虎狠狠把石榴推开)
Let me die!

众人:Kneel down, the wedding starts.

唐:Qiu xiang?!
(两从跪下)

华夫人:Qiu xiang, after so many tests,
l believe Tong loves you wholeheartedly.
Now, I’m glad to let him marry you.

秋香:Thank you, Madam.

众人:Wish you have today year after year!
Year old of old has the present too!

唐:Thank you, thank you!
(两人默默相望)
唐:Qiu xiang, passed through so many twists and turns, fortunately...

秋香:We are getting married at last.




(集体跳舞作为一个幸福结尾)
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